


I Don't Pray

by JustTooMuch



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Car Accident, F/M, Heartbreaking, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 09:11:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10850892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustTooMuch/pseuds/JustTooMuch
Summary: The moment Mulder's world is taken from him.





	I Don't Pray

**Author's Note:**

> This is sad as shit, so I apologize in advance!
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I do not own The X-Files or any of the characters, unfortunately.  
> They are not mine to make money from, just to play with.

**_Present Day_ **

“I don’t pray. I don’t pray because I don’t believe in you. I can’t believe in the idea of a god who creates human life only to destroy it. I don’t want to believe there is something or someone so cruel in this universe…so gut wrenchingly heartless.” Mulder stops speaking, the lump in his throat cutting off the air in his lungs. The air he doesn’t deserve. He doesn’t deserve to be sitting in this church, feeling fresh tears burning his eyes, looking up at a statue of a god he doesn’t believe in.

“What did you do with her?” He hears his voice, hoarse and thick with tears and he barely recognizes it.

“What did you do with her?” He repeats himself, louder this time. He stands, crutches at his side be damned, and takes the two short steps out of the pew, his eyes locked on the face of a man so many believe in.

“WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HER?!” He’s screaming now, but he doesn’t care.

He feels weak, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he falls to his knees, his broken leg screaming in pain, in the middle of a church. His head feels heavier than it has ever felt in his life so he lets it fall forward, his mouth falling open as he watches two tears land on the carpeted floor. He tenses when he feels a hand grip his shoulder but relaxes slightly when he realizes there is only one person brave enough to approach him right now.

“Fox.”

His eyes close at the sound of the soft voice to his right, an unexpected sob escaping his lips causing the hand on his shoulder to tighten.

“He took her from me. He just…gave her to me and then just took her away.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in Him.” Maggie Scully’s tone was anything but accusatory.

“I need to believe that she was taken from me. The alternative is-” The lump in his throat returns, trapping the words he doesn’t want to say out loud.

“Too much to handle.” It wasn’t a question. Maggie knew exactly what Mulder was thinking and those thoughts made her want to weep for him just as much as she has for her own child. “Do you want to know what I believe?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “I believe that Dana is home now and that you and I and everyone who has ever loved her will see her again one day.”

Mulder feels another sob threatening to escape when he thinks about how long that line would be.

“You’ll be the first in line, Fox.”

**_One Day Earlier_ **

**_5:43 P.M._ **

“So, this is a date, right?” Scully questioned Mulder, a playful gleam in her eyes as she watches his profile.

“Oh, this is _definitely_ a date, Ms. Scully.” He glances at her sitting in the passenger seat of his car, the smile quickly growing on her face makes his heart swell with pride. _He_ put that smile there. When he looks back to the road, he lets his own Scully induced smile show. “I have waited six years for this. Six long years of building up my nerve to ask you out. So, I want everything to be clear. I asked you, Dana Katherine Scully, out on a date, with me Blah Blah Mulder. We. Are. On. A. Date.”

Scully laughs as she lays her head on the headrest, her eyes taking in everything about this man who had, only last night, called her up and very timidly asked her to go with him to dinner and a movie. She had asked him to repeat himself about three times before the words started to register in her mind. He had then spent the next twenty minutes nervously rambling about dates and relationships and how the best ones come from a deep seated friendship. How he knew the idea was a little juvenile but he hadn’t been on an actual date in years. How he would understand if she wanted to tell him to hit the bricks and never bring this up again. She finally got him to stop talking when she spoke a soft and sure yes.

“How far out of the city is this place you’re taking me? I’m starting to get suspicious of your motives here, Agent Mulder.” Scully asked teasingly when she glanced at the dashboard clock. They had been driving for almost a half hour.

He laughed at the memory she was no doubt thinking of. “The last time I told you we were going on a date was different. I said ‘a date.’ I never said with who. Or where. Or what we would be doing.”

“Turns out it was the two of us, members of a local police department, and a man who believed in…” She gasped. “Aliens. I was so shocked.”

“Is that like…sarcasm?”

Scully chuckled and shook her head. “I don’t remember saying yes to investigating that case.”

Mulder snorted and glanced at Scully again before looking back to the road. “When would you have had the time to say yes? I ambushed you in the car on the way to ‘the office.’ You look beautiful when you’re pissed, by the way.”

Scully’s laugh makes his whole body tingle, but it’s nothing compared to the tingle he gets when her fingers start to lightly tap his thigh. He feels lightheaded in the best way possible and looks down at the perfectly polished finger nails barely grazing at his pants. He lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding when he looks over at the brightest blue he has ever seen. He could get lost in her eyes. Her smile. Her hair. Her body. Everything about her has him whipped.

He suddenly feels an ache in his stomach and a flush come over him when he notices the smallest change in her eyes. In the back of his mind he knows why her eyes flicker away from him, the happiness fleeting from them. He knows. Its common sense, but everything feels numb and like time is moving in slow motion and he’s powerless. He turns his head so his eyes can see what hers do. There it is. A car. Red. Sitting about twenty seconds from the hood of his 60 mile per hour car. So many different thoughts rushing through his mind. He needs to stop but there’s no way he can and he briefly thinks about throwing the car in reverse until he realizes he doesn’t know how in this moment. The nails in his thigh are piercing and painful as he jerks the wheel as hard as he can to the right.

In the seconds before the world around him fades to black and he succumbs to the pain, he hears her screaming. She’s in agony and he can’t do a damn thing about it. She’s screaming his name and all he can do is lay there. The last thought he has is of how much he hates himself.  

**_6:19 P.M._ **

“Scully.”

“Sir, can you hear me?”

His throat feels dry, but he manages to croak out another weak sound. “Scully.”

“You’ve been in an accident and we need to get you to the hospital, just try and relax.”

“No. I need Scully.” He coughs and manages to open each eye slowly. The hands touching him try and push him back down, but he pushes them off. He sits up despite protests from the three EMT’s standing around him in the back of the ambulance and moves his legs to the floor and stands. The pain that shoots through him instantly is unbearable and he starts to fall, only to be caught by six hands. “I need her.”

“Sir, you need to lay back down.”

“Where’s Scully.” He pauses when he realizes they might not know her name. “The woman in the car with me. Where is she?” He looks behind him, just in case she’s in the ambulance with him. She isn’t there and the silence from everyone who is makes his heart race. He stands again, gritting his teeth through the pain and lets himself fall down each step to the ground.

“Sir!”

“You need to get off that leg!”

Mulder’s eyes start searching everywhere they can. He sees people, a lot of them, all standing around looking at him with a mix of pity and heart break in their eyes. He wants to flip all of them off.

His head is throbbing and he can hear his heart pumping blood in his ears as he makes his way to red car. _The_ red car. He stumbles, catches himself with his hands, and continues to walk around the car that will haunt his nightmares.

“No.”

He runs to her. The pain in his leg gone because all he can feel is his heart pounding in his chest. Everyone standing around her moves, as if they have been through this before. He knows they have. He’s worked on countless cases where he has stepped aside to let a husband kneel down next to his wife’s body.

“Mulder.” She whispers over and over, blood staining her teeth and the shirt she spent hours picking out just for him, as her eyes find his. “Mulder.” Her whispers are becoming frantic just like her fingers trying to reach for his.

He can hear the strain in her voice and it breaks his heart. He leans over her, one hand tightly griping hers, his other hand lifting up her head. “Dana. I am- I-”

He can feel her lightly squeezing his hand. “Mulder.”

He lets his forehead fall to hers in response.

“K-kiss me. Please.”

She’s crying now and his mouth falls open in a silent sob. They both know why she is still laying on the ground while he was seconds away from being transported to a hospital. They both know why everyone moved out of his way and let him fall to his knees beside her. They both know why she is ice cold and pale. He doesn’t want to kiss her, though. He is terrified that she’s holding on just for that and once he lets his lips touch hers, she will leave him. He can’t let her go. He won’t, so he shakes his head against hers, their tears mixing together on her face.

“Please.” She sobs.

“No. When I kiss you for the first time, it’s not… it’s not going to be like this. It’s going to be after I take you out on our date and we go back to my place for the night.”

She coughs out a soft laugh, her eyes closing and then fluttering back open slowly. “I’m not that ea-easy.”

She’s in pain. So much pain and trying to not show it.

So he kisses her. He doesn’t let his eyes close with hers when their lips finally meet, though. He watches her as they move their lips together. Softly, almost lazily, like they had just woken up in bed after a long night together.

Mulder doesn’t want to stop kissing her even after she stops moving against him, her hand hanging limply in his. He can’t feel her breath on his lips anymore and all he can taste is metallic. He doesn’t taste _her_ anymore. She left him. His whole world was gone.


End file.
